*Note: This post talks about the extremely sensitive topic of eating disorders. Also, a Christian wrote this post, so yes, there is references to God and Christ because I couldn't write it without. Yes, I know you may not believe the same thing and that's okay! 'Merica's a free country where we can share our beliefs freely, which I personally think is great. Whether or not you agree with my worldview, I still highly encourage you to read this post. :)
Guys, I'm going to be honest here: I've struggled with not just one but TWO eating disorders (binge eating and anorexia) in the last five years. And you know what? Because of God, I'm healed from that.
I got caught in the trap when I was starting out in middle school. Years down the road, I can see that several girls were just jealous for unknown reasons. Girls are jerks, especially to each other. I was called "...fat...", "...stupid...", "...unlovable...", "...looked like she was hit by a garbage truck..." and numerous other things that [probably] shouldn't be repeated behind my back and even to my face. Why my middle-school self gave a crap to what they said, I don't know, but I do know it lead down a REALLY nasty path. I started to believe the lies they spit and started comparing myself to them, to models, to celebrities.
This lead to a cycle, something I call the comparison trap when speaking: a cycle of constantly comparing yourself to almost everyone you see, then telling yourself how you don’t “measure up” to beauty standards. To cope with my depressed feelings about my body, I developed something called binge eating, an eating disorder where you repeatedly eat insane amounts of food, not being able to stop, in order to feel better about yourself. After about a month or two, my mom mentioned something about my gluttonous eating habits. (I had hit 180 lbs as a young teen girl!) So, I did what any other young teen gal would think was a good idea: I [tried] to avoid eating at all costs (anorexia, in which you refuse to eat) and compulsively exercised. (I was only eating 500 calories a day, if I even ate at all!) Fortunately, God broke these lies in my life and completely DECIMATED my eating disorders along with the lies I believed about my worth, which I had placed in how skinny and pretty I looked. The end.
I wish all stories about people with eating disorders ended happy like mine. But they don't. They oftentimes end up sad, with sad stories of girls struggling with depression, fatal injuries, and even death.
I've done an insane amount of research on beauty culture and eating disorders while I was healing and after I healed, writing various papers and even speaking out at a few events. Why are so many girls (and guys for that matter!) developing an ever-increasing amount of eating disorders? It's what I fell into: the comparison trap. We NEED TO STOP comparing ourselves to the ABSOLUTELY FAKE expectations and SKEWED IDEALS portrayed by the media though ads, TV, movies, music, etc. We NEED TO STOP harming ourselves to make ourselves feel better, to make others happy, to fit the skewed cultural expectations.
God made our bodies, and He made them perfectly just the way they are. Now, I'm not giving y'all a free pass to eat crap and lay on the couch all day. (In fact, one of the best ways to look AND feel your best is to eat healthy and exercise for about 30 minutes a day, which I something I highly encourage y'all to do!) I'm saying that our culture's skewed ideals of what's "worthy" and "beautiful" is COMPLETE TRASH. If you don't remember one single thing from what's turned into an essay at this point, at least remember this: Your worth isn't defined by what the culture or others think. It's not defined by how you look or how skinny or muscular or whatever you can make yourself. You are worth something because God said so in the Bible. You are worth sooooooo much that Christ died for you on a cross to save you! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Thanks so much for reading this y'all. I love sharing my story so much, and I'd love if you could share it with others as well. Eating disorders are running rampant in our culture today and are often just glazed over as a "minor problem". But tell me: Is it a "minor problem" when THOUSANDS of girls are dying from eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia trying to fit today's impossible beauty standards that the beauty industry has thrown out; girls dying trying to feel and look beautiful and feel like they're worth something? We need to start making people aware of eating disorders, how to spot them, and how to get help. I hope you'll join me in trying to make people aware! I highly encourage you check out the resources linked below.
National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)
National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD)
If you're struggling with an eating disorder: NEDA Helpline (Call/Text): (800) 931-2237
P.S.- Sorry for the essay, Caitlyn.
What a power story, Carissa! I am so glad that you are alive, healthy, and willing to share your life with us. Eating Disorders rob us of uniqueness, emotional depth, connection with others, and most importantly connection to ourselves. Keep sharing your powerful story! Eating disorders are a lonely way to live but I'm sure that people feel less alone knowing that others have been there too!
Carissa, thank you for sharing your struggles, insight and journey toward healing. I have a lot I can learn from you. All too often I compare myself to others and hold myself to unrealistic standards. Thank you for the reminder that comparison only robs us of joy.
Carissa - This is such an incredible story. I love your honesty and wisdom. You make so many powerful statements; I am going to list a few.
"Yes, I know you may not believe the same thing and that's okay!" If only everyone could come to this realization.
"Girls are jerks, especially to each other." I so wish girls would learn to treat each other with kindness and compassion. We would be so powerful if we could band together and appreciate our differences.
"I wish all stories about people with eating disorders ended happy like mine. But they don't." Again, I wonder would there be less eating disorders if girls learned to support and uplift one another.
"after I healed, writing various papers and even speaking out at a few events." Keep writing and speaking. We need you!
"We NEED TO STOP comparing ourselves . . . our culture's skewed ideals of what's "worthy" and "beautiful" is COMPLETE TRASH." Enough said.
You are truly an inspiration, Carissa. Thank you for sharing your story.
Oh my gosh, so worries at all! :) Your post is amazing! I loved your story, not just because it was such a powerful story, but that you also decided to share encouragement to others and ways that we can help with stopping this problem. Your story literally SCREAMS A Safe Place 2 Share, in that it shares your story, encourages others, AND shares ways to help those struggling and ways to get involved. And your positive ending makes it even better! Thank you so much for sharing and inspiring others! :)