(10/19/20)
Due to COVID, like every other high school, my school’s homecoming dance got canceled. So, my best friend decided to host a formal dinner for her friends and I instead. I got dinner with her two weeks before the event and she told me who all she was inviting and what her plans were for the event.
Guest-list:
· Me
· My guest
· My best friend’s boyfriend
· Her boyfriend’s friend
· Her boyfriend’s other friend and his girlfriend
For the first time that night, I saw my best friend in a new light. She acts like someone she’s not when she’s with her boyfriend and his friends. It felt, to me, like she feels like she has to change her entire personality to fit in with her new boyfriend and his friends. She spent the whole night hanging out with her boyfriend and his friends than with me. They didn’t include my guest or I once the entire night. I felt isolated and not included. I’m so thankful I brought a guest that night, otherwise I would have been left by myself the whole night. I wish she had made this event a date with her boyfriend and his friends and had not invited me at all.
UPDATE: (10/23/20)
I just got lunch with my best friend. I told her about how I felt that night and she said she was sorry. She said she also thought that night was a disaster and apparently there was some friend drama going on in her boyfriend’s friend group, which made her act the way she did. My guest was very upset with how she was treating me, and my best friend could tell my guest was mad. She flat out called my guest a b*tch because of it, which I thought was unnecessary because my guest was really just defending me. After the dinner, we decided to all walk around Downtown Parker. Based on how the night was going, my guest thought it would be best for us if we just went ahead and far away from the rest of the group. I told my best friend that my guest and I didn’t feel included that night, and said that she really did want to hangout with my guest and I, but we kept running away from her. Wanting something and actually doing it are two different things. If she really did want to hangout with us, I feel like she would have ran after us.
We haven’t really spoken at all since then and I don’t know when we will speak again. She is dealing with a lot right now, so I’m going to wait until she’s ready to talk to me. But it seems like she and I just need to take a break from each other.
Out of all of this, I learned that this will not be the last time I am third wheeled friend a friend and their date. I also learned that if I want to be in a relationship, I need to learn how to equally balance time with my date and my friends; that way one’s not getting more attention than the other. But it’ll definitely take some time to figure all of that out.
Sometimes, people are only in your life for as long as you need them to be. People will come and go depending on how long they're supposed to be in your life. For certain friends, that could be a short journey with them. Others could be friends with you forever. What I'm trying to say is that it sucks when people change and/or leave you, but everything happens for a reason. When someone leaves your life, it's because God or the Universe or whomever you believe in, knew things about that friend that you didn't. It seems as though your friend might not be the best person for you right now, and that's okay. Sometimes you have to learn to live without that person and learn to take care of yourself. There comes a point where it hurts more to hold onto a bad friend than it would hurt to let them go. Once you learn to live without them, then they come back. When they come back, if they're truly forgiving, they will be ready change the way they treated you in the past. Take care :)
Thanks for sharing @Autumn. That sounds really frustrating, especially how rude she was with your guest. I know what it's like to not feel included and it sucks. I hope things get better between the two of you.
Great job taking such a negative experience and learning from it. It's so hard when friendships go through turmoil. I hope you both can work through this, but regardless of what happens, you're learning the importance of surrounding yourself with positive people. Hang in there!